![]( "BestLittleEnemyThatCouldnt")
And now, Chaosrayne presents…
a loving ode…
to the Mudcrab.
For me, 2011 meant one bright shining moment for video games: SKYRIM. This game was everything for which I could have hoped. But one thing stood out for me. Was it the new improved leveling system? Maybe it was the new magic system or the duel wielding mechanic? Now I’m exaggerating a little bit, but one of the standout aspects of the game, for me, was the Mud Crab. I mean there are much higher level enemies in the game of course, but pound for pound, none that try harder. Really, you have to hand it to them. Mud Crabs are pure unceasing aggression.
In my experience with the game, whether you’re level 3 or 30 these scrappy little mofos just don’t give up. They’ll always attack you. Even though they’re one of the lowest level enemies in the game THEY JUST DON’T STOP. You can be the biggest baddest dude on the Skyrim block and mud crabs will still have a go at you.
Mud crabs are probably done for in one hit, but you still have to respect them for their tenacity. They’re like The Little Engine that Could but without all the cute child story frippery and, in all honesty, the “moral of the story” successful end game.
Because mud crabs are NEVER successful.
And they don’t give a flying fuck about that.
All they want to do is fight all day and fuck all night. I assume that’s the mud crab strategy because despite dying in droves there are always a ton of them skittering about.
Next time you’re playing, keep this fact in mind: mud crabs don’t fuck around. In a way you have to be glad that they’re not tougher enemies. Because if they were, I have no doubt that mud crabs would be running Skyrim.
And now, Louis Santiago presents…
an attempt at saying something beautiful…
about the Mudcrab.
So them Mudcrabs fuck a lot? Excellent. My nightmares are now complete.
Actually, believe it or not, I did have something realistic to contribute: I started playing Elder Scrolls with Morrowind, a game that I ultimately never completed because of a glitch that made characters shift every time you Waited. Eventually an important NPC shifted into a wall and that was that. In retrospect, that seems like the worst glitch in the world, but there are two factors to consider here:
First, Skyrim has become a glitch-meme spawning machine, pumping out Helicopter Sabre Cats and other wonders at a steady clip, so really, it shouldn’t be surprising that things were really messy two games ago.
Second, I really didn’t care that I couldn’t finish the game, because for me, Morrowind was about jumping from town to town, stealing everything, and never, ever doing missions. It was about walking around and ineffectually fighting monsters because I didn’t understand how the system worked at all.
Monsters like the Mudcrab.
Here’s the thing: all of the pointless roaming I did on Morrowind wound up rolling into a solid ball of memories, completely smooth so that nothing really sticks out. Excepts for my first encounter, which happened within moments of finishing character creation. I was wandering around like an idiot and the music got more upbeat. I looked around and saw nothing, but then damage was happening. I pulled out my dagger, spun, and saw my first Mudcrab. I killed it, ate its insides, and then proceeded to get attacked by another one. Immediately.
In Oblivion, I saw them and thought, “Goddammit. Those little bastards?”
In Skyrim, I just smiled. Because now it’s like watching a long awaited sequel on opening night and a character shows up who doesn’t matter but who everyone loves anyway. Everybody applauds.
Some things change. The gates of Oblivion might open. There might be dragons. You might be able to jump a few hundred miles in one bound…
